The CognoZen Column

6 Ways to Increase Your Self Love & Fall Head Over Heels for Yourself

Keep reading to learn 10 ways to fall head over heels for yourself & increase your self love (because you’re totally worth it!)

In Why Do We Question Our Worthiness & How To Shift This Mindset? we talked about how the constant barrage of overly photoshopped, perfectly filtered photos on social media impacts our mental health and sense of self-worth.

Pair that with ads constantly telling us that common things like belly rolls, acne, hyperpigmentation, and cellulite are “abnormal” and “unattractive” and it’s easy to spiral into Imposter Syndrome and self-loathing.

That’s why I thought it’d be nice to talk about 6 ways you can start falling in love with yourself exactly as you are right now, no matter what your flaws and quirks are.

You don’t have to be movie star-gorgeous or have the perfect job, wardrobe, bank account, or car to be worthy of love.

Nor do you have to wait for someone to come sweep you off your feet and tell you that you’re “good enough” to start feeling loved and worthy right now.

The person that you are – looking exactly how you look, driving whatever car you’re driving, and working at whatever job you have – is “good enough” and worth pampering and celebrating.

You are more than capable of giving yourself the love you deserve right now, and here are 6 ways that you can start doing it.

6 Ways to Fall Head Over Heels for Yourself

1. Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

Newsflash: we’re ALL f*cking weirdos. Seriously, not one of us fits the bill for “normal” when we’re being our true authentic selves.

And that’s what makes us AWESOME!

There’s no one else on this planet quite like you and that’s what makes you so wonderful and lovable. (Sounds cheesy, I know. But it’s true!)

Your quirks, passions, sense of humor, and unique way of seeing the world make you special. You don’t have to hide it or put on a mask to feel more “acceptable”.

Have you ever considered that the idea of “normal” that’s portrayed in tv shows and films was created by a random group of writers who probably made a ton of money off of one project, which caused everyone else to copy their blueprint in hopes of achieving the same level of success?

Seriously, think about it. All of the top movies and tv shows are slightly modified versions of the same storyline and all of the characters are basically the same.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing…if the audience loves something, give them more of it, right?

My point is that what we consider to be “normal” was created and taught to us by a small group of people that had a big enough platform (and budget) to spread their message around the world. But that doesn’t mean that that small group of people are “right”, or that you’re “wrong” for being different.

So ditch the idea of fitting into a mold and celebrate everything that makes you, well, YOU! You’re great exactly as you are.

Why Embracing Your Inner Weirdo Matters

Embracing your quirks boosts your confidence, allowing you to show up authentically in a world that tries to pressure you to conform and pretend. It also makes it easier for you to attract like-minded people who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. Plus, it’s way more fun to be yourself than to try and be someone you’re not, am I right?

3 Ways You Can Start Embracing Your Inner Weirdo Now

  • Make a list of all the things that make you unique. What hobbies do you like? What makes you laugh? What random foods do you enjoy? Own them, celebrate them, and flaunt them, no matter how “uncool” they may be!

    And if you want to take things to the next level, join online communities and local meetup groups for people that enjoy the same things you do!

    Sometimes we only think our quirks are “weird” because we don’t see a lot of people doing them. But in a world of over 9 billion people, there are at least 1 million people that like the same strange things you do. Connect with them and see how much more “normal” you start to feel.
  • Dress in a way that expresses your personality, even if it means rocking mismatched socks or a funky hat.

    Have you seen fashion shows lately? People are getting CREATIVE! I mean, in 2017 Moschino sent models down the runway wearing literal trash!

    So wear what you want, how you want, when you want. Be YOU, baby!
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  • Find activities or communities that celebrate individuality and connect with people who share your passions.

    One of my favorite groups to plug into are the free-spirit communities. You know, the ones that do ecstatic dance, hug trees, and play drums in the park.

    We may not always share the same beliefs, but what they’re really great at is letting their quirks take center stage unapologetically and giving everyone they meet the freedom to do the same. It’s quite beautiful, actually.

2. Forgive Yourself for Past Mistakes

We all have moments that we look back on and instantly cringe, wishing we had done things differently. But holding onto those negative feelings only weighs us down and prevents us from moving forward.

We learn from making mistakes and dealing with the consequences. That’s how we grow and evolve. Each cringeworthy moment is an opportunity to decide who we want to be and what habits we do and don’t want to repeat as we move forward.

You don’t have to hold yourself hostage for what you did in the past, even if other people have a hard time letting go of their grudges.

Whatever we resist, persists. The only way you can fully integrate the lessons you’ve learned is by accepting them. If you don’t, you run the risk of attracting similar situations and unconsciously repeating the same patterns, simply because you’re constantly replaying them in your mind.

Forgiving yourself (or others) doesn’t mean that you’re excusing the behavior. It just means that you trust yourself enough to learn, grow, and do better moving forward.

Why Forgiving Yourself Matters

Forgiving yourself for past mistakes is a powerful act of self-love. It releases emotional baggage, promotes healing, and allows you to focus on the present and future. It also helps you break free from negative self-talk and develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

3 Ways You Can Forgive Yourself Now

  • Write a letter to your past self, acknowledging the pain and hurt that you caused and endured, but also offering forgiveness and understanding. Acknowledge that you were doing the best you could and allow your younger self the grace of being young and “dumb”, knowing that you are wiser and stronger now.
  • Talk to a therapist or counselor if you’re struggling to forgive yourself. They can provide support and guidance on your journey to healing. The best thing I ever did was join BetterHelp during the pandemmy (not an affiliate link). I found the most incredible therapist that gave me the tools and assurance I needed to develop a positive self-concept and let go of the past. The service may not have worked for everyone, but I personally can’t say enough wonderful things about it.
  • Practice mindfulness techniques to help you stay present and focus on the here and now, rather than dwelling on the past.

    This can mean doing CognoZen sessions from The CognoZen Method throughout the day to regulate your nervous system and reprogram your mind. Or you could practice counting your breaths or placing your hands on your belly and doing 10 – 20 slow reps of abdominal breathing.

    Another method that works for me is robotic affirming, or “saturation”, as some YouTubers call it. Because my mind tends to race, robotic affirming helps me to make sure I stay focused on positivity and abundance. If I’m going to think a bunch of thoughts throughout the day, they might as well be thoughts that serve me.

3. Invest In Your Personal Growth

Which is what you’re already doing by reading this article, so good on ya, mate!

Learning new things, exploring your interests, and challenging yourself are all key aspects of personal growth. Investing in your own development not only expands your knowledge and skills; it also boosts your confidence and sense of self-worth.

Confidence isn’t something that most of us just wake up with one day. It’s something we build over time by trying new things, failing, overcoming, and proving to ourselves that we are capable enough, smart enough, and strong enough to face our challenges and come out victorious.

By continuing to learn, grow, and improve every day you build your self-belief and self-respect, which makes it easier to fall more deeply in love with yourself.

Why Investing In Your Personal Growth Matters

Personal growth helps you become a more well-rounded and interesting person. It also opens up new opportunities, broadens your perspective, and cultivates a lifelong love of learning. Plus, you never know when one of your “random” new skills can turn into a lucrative business opportunity that sets you up for life!

3 Ways To Invest In Your Personal Growth

  • Take a class or workshop on a subject that interests you. Not only are classes informative and fun, but they’re also great networking opportunities! I’ve met so many interesting people from all around the globe in classes, workshops, and retreats. I’m still close friends with people I met at dance camp over 15 years ago! And our paths never would have crossed if I hadn’t enrolled.
  • Read books, listen to podcasts, or watch documentaries that expand your knowledge and challenge your assumptions.

    Pro tip: Watch content created by people you disagree with, too. Not only will this help you better understand where they’re coming from, making it easier to empathize with instead of judge them, but it can also cause you to re-examine why you believe what you do, and maybe even come to new conclusions that ring true for you.
  • Set personal goals and work towards achieving them. This could be anything from learning a new language to running a marathon.

    Make sure the goals are challenging but not impossible. They should stretch you outside of your comfort zone without breaking your soul. Do things that you’ve always wanted to do but were never sure that you could. Show yourself what you’re capable of.

4. Honor Your Body

Your body is your home. Your temple, if you’re spiritual. It reflects your mental and emotional state, be it through aches, pains, tension, or relaxation.

Treating it with respect and care is an essential part of self-love. This means nourishing it with healthy food, moving it regularly, and listening to its signals.

Why Honoring Your Body Matters

Honoring your body not only improves your physical health but also boosts your mood, energy levels, and self-confidence. It also helps you develop a more positive body image and appreciate all the amazing things your body can do.

The same way you take pride in your home when it’s clean and in order is the same way you’ll feel about your body when you give it the care that it deserves. Loving your body, no matter how it looks, is a key component to loving yourself.

3 Ways To Honor Your Body

  • Fuel your body with nutritious foods that make you feel good. If you’re looking for great recipes to try, check out the Food column of the blog. While I won’t pretend that I don’t recommend so pretty gluttonous and fattening treats (that are positively delicious), I do include plenty of healthy dishes that you might enjoy trying!
  • Find forms of movement that you enjoy and make them a regular part of your routine. If you’re looking for fun workouts that you’ll enjoy check out 30 Fun Office-Friendly Fitness Challenges You Can Do During Your Workday.

    If you want some follow-along videos, some of my favorite YouTube channels are:

    Yoga With Adriene
    AthleanX (for more hardcore workouts)
    Strength Side (hands down one of my favorite channels)
  • Listen to your body’s signals and give it what it needs, whether that’s rest, nourishment, or movement. As I said earlier, your body is a reflection of your mental and emotional state. If you pay attention, it will tell you exactly what it needs.

5. Curate Your Timeline

Social media can either strengthen or destroy your mental health with a few quick swipes. It doesn’t matter how “fake” the content is (e.g. fake wealth, photoshopped bodies, etc.) when your emotional response is real. That’s why it’s so important to intentionally curate your timeline so it’s conducive to how you want to feel and what you want to learn every day.

Why Curating Your Timeline Matters

The content you consume online directly impacts your mood and self-perception. Scrolling for 15 minutes can either make you feel on top of the world or like the biggest, ugliest, dumbest failure that’s fallen behind in life with no hope of catching up. I’m not saying this because I hope you feel this way. I’m saying it because I’ve been there, as recently as last week!

Curating a positive feed can reduce comparison and negativity. The accounts and content you follow can reflect and shape your values and aspirations. Choose who you follow wisely.

3 Ways To Curate Your Timeline

  • Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself or promote unrealistic ideals. Sure, they may look good and be aesthetically pleasing and fun to watch. But how do you feel after consuming their content?

    Fun fact: if you’re a mother with little nuggets (aka children) running around terrorizing your house, it’s OKAY that your home isn’t as perfectly organized as those Clean With Me videos that I binge-watch regularly! You’re not “failing”. If your kids are fed and at least semi-clothed, I think you’re winning. But that’s just me LOL.

    Also, unsubscribe from newsletters that clutter your inbox with things you don’t care about. If you don’t want to unsubscribe but also don’t want to deal with inbox overwhelm, try using It’s completely free and I love it because they roll all of the updates from your newsletters into 1 email every day. It’s a super helpful way to stay informed and keep your inbox organized.
  • Follow accounts that promote positivity, self-love, and things you’re passionate about. Look for content that educates, inspires, or makes you laugh.

    I love following quote and poetry pages like Ceispoetry, Art of Poets, and The Good Quote. I’m also pretty proud of the content that we post on The CognoZen Method page. I also follow a number of individual pages for different reasons, some for holistic practice tips, fitness tips, fashion tips, etc. Maybe one day I’ll recommend them. 🙂

    And I have an entire collection of funny memes that come across my feed throughout the day that I revisit when I need a good chuckle. This is probably my favorite collection that I have!
  • Set time limits. Use apps or browser extensions to limit your time on social media or news sites. This helps you stay mindful of your digital consumption.

6. Write A Love Letter To Yourself

We’re taught that it’s arrogant to speak highly of yourself, but if you don’t know how to hype yourself up you’ll crumble at the slightest sign of criticism and rejection from others!

Why Writing A Love Letter To Yourself Matters

Writing a love letter forces you to focus on your positive qualities and accomplishments, making it easier to accept and appreciate yourself. Having these in written form gives you something to revisit whenever you’re feeling down or struggling with insecure. Reading your letter back to yourself can boost your confidence and remind you of your worth, especially on tough days. Expressing your love and gratitude for yourself can be a cathartic experience, releasing pent-up emotions and promoting self-acceptance.

3 Tips For Writing A Love Letter To Yourself

  • Be Specific: Don’t just write general statements. Mention specific traits, accomplishments, or experiences you love about yourself. Elaborate on every detail. Really hype yourself up!
  • Write as if you’re talking to your best friend. Be kind, encouraging, and authentic. Don’t worry about coming across as cocky or arrogant. You are wonderful, and that’s the truth. It’s not cocky to tell the good honest truth!
  • Keep your letter somewhere you can easily access it and read it back to yourself whenever you need a boost. As a matter of fact, if you’re dealing with insecurity or Imposter Syndrome right now, make a commitment to reading that letter first thing in the morning every day for 21 days. Then commit to reading it at least once or twice a week, or more often, if needed. This should do a 180 on your confidence levels!


Like every relationship, your relationship with yourself requires consistent time, energy, and attention. Prioritizing your self-love journey improves every area of your life, from your love life to your career. I hope you found these methods to be helpful!

Get instant access to the FREE 3-Day CognoZen Challenge to learn how to reprogram your subconscious mind for more wealth, happiness, & success!

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