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“Stop Chasing & Choose Self-Love” | The CognoZen Method

Keep reading for the devotional.

We’ve all found ourselves in a position where we were trying to be accepted by people who repeatedly showed us that they weren’t interested in us.

Whether it was a group of popular kids in school or that crush that we were down bad for, most of us know what it’s like to think, “Why don’t they like me, and how can I change their mind?”

There is a quote that says, “Life is a fleeting journey, a precious tapestry woven with moments of joy, sorrow, love, and loss. It is a gift, not to be squandered on pursuits that diminish our worth or leave us feeling undervalued.”

To put it less poetically, life is short and precious, and we shouldn’t waste it on people who don’t prioritize us.

It never feels good to know that you’re always the backup plan, the last resort. It’s exhausting and honestly, pretty crummy for your self-esteem.

Chasing after someone who makes you feel less-than is a losing battle. It’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom – no matter how much you pour in, it’s never enough. It leaves you feeling empty, wondering what’s wrong with you.

Newsflash: there’s nothing wrong with you! You deserve to be someone’s first choice, to be loved and valued for who you are, not just when it’s convenient for them.

It’s time to shift our focus from chasing those who don’t see our worth to embracing those who do. It’s about recognizing our own value and refusing to settle for anything less than the love and respect we deserve.

Remember, we teach people how to treat us. When we constantly put our own needs aside for someone who doesn’t reciprocate, we’re sending the message that it’s okay for them to treat us as a second (or third, or fourth) option. And we are NOT about that life, okay????

Action Steps:

  • Do an inventory check: Take a good look at the people you spend your time with. Are there any relationships where you consistently feel like a last resort? Be honest with yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable. If there’s someone you love deeply but know isn’t treating you well, ask yourself, “If I DIDN’T love them…if they were just some person I met and was forced to hang out with for a day…would I tolerate this kind of treatment?”

    If the answer is no, it might be time to let them go, no matter how hard that might feel. Know that you deserve better and are capable of attracting better.
  • Speak Up!: After you’ve pinpointed the relationships where you feel undervalued, have a conversation about it if you think it’s worth it. I specify this because some people know that they treat you poorly and actually get pleasure from knowing that they have the power to hurt you. Those people are NOT worth talking to, and it could actually be detrimental to your mental health to do so.

    But some people obviously love you and are just in a season where they’re so wrapped up in their own lives that they might not even realize that they’ve been neglecting you. And those people are worth having a conversation with. Let the person know how their behavior makes you feel. Again, they may not be aware of how their actions are impacting you.

    If their behavior doesn’t change after the conversation, then you know where you stand and you can act accordingly.
  • Set Boundaries: If things don’t change after your conversation, it’s time to set some boundaries. This could mean limiting your contact with that person or simply not being as available as you once were. You have just as much power to walk away from and deprioritize them as they do. Sometimes you need to use it.
  • Reclaim Your Time and Energy: Once you’ve created some space from those who drain you, you’ll have more time and energy to focus on yourself and the people who truly value you. Invest in hobbies, activities, or friendships that make you feel good. Live a life that makes your heart smile. Eliminate any parts that don’t.
  • Open Yourself to New Connections: Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and meet new people. You never know who might be waiting to appreciate and love you for the amazing person you are. The saying goes, “You haven’t even met all the people that are going to love you yet.” Position yourself to give and receive all the love you can. You deserve it!

Affirmation:

“I am worthy of love and respect. I choose to surround myself with people who see my value and make me feel cherished. I am enough, and I deserve to be someone’s first choice.”

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