10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting into a Relationship

Keep reading to discover 10 questions you should ask yourself before getting into a relationship.

So, you’ve met someone special. Yay! How wonderful! You’re at that stage where you might be stalking checking their social media, feeling butterflies and donning a goofy grin every time they text, or you might even already be head over heels, daydreaming about your future together. 

Hold up a sec, Cupid (or Cupidquisha)! 

Before you dive headfirst into the lovey-dovey pool, it’s time for a little self-reflection.

Entering a relationship is a big deal, and it’s not just about whether they are the right person that ticks all your wish list boxes. It’s also about YOU – your readiness, your needs, and your expectations. Taking the time to ask yourself some tough questions can save you from heartache, drama, and a whole lot of wasted time.

Think of this as your pre-relationship checklist. A chance to get real with yourself before you get serious with someone else. 

Life is short, and while I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and every experience has the potential to teach us something, I don’t think we should waste our time on relationships that we know won’t work out or serve us in the long run.

These questions will help you get clear on your dealbreakers, determine your boundaries, and guarantee you’re stepping into love with your eyes wide open.

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1. Am I truly ready for a relationship?

I know…you listen to love songs, watch rom coms, and see an endless stream of #relationshipgoals photos on social media and you can’t help but think: “I want that“. And that’s beautiful. You deserve it, and I hope you have it one day!

But do you need it? And more importantly, are you ready for it?

Relationships aren’t just about cute photos, sweet texts, and (hopefully) good sex. They require a lot of healthy sacrifices, compassion and consideration for someone other than yourself, humility, and the ability and desire to put someone else’s feelings and needs before your own sometimes.

On top of that, they require vulnerability. Be honest: are you emotionally available right now? Have you healed from past heartbreaks, or are you looking for someone to temporarily distract you from the pain? Because if you just want a distraction, you’re not ready for a real relationship.

Also, REAL healthy relationships – ones where both people really learn and connect with each other on a deep level – can only develop with consistent effort, honest communication, and quality time. Do you have the time and energy to invest in a new connection? Do you really want to have to be honest with someone and have to consider their feedback and how your choices impact them every day?

If not, then you’re not ready for a relationship.

2. What are my non-negotiables in a partner?

Yea, they look good, smell good, and say all the right things now, but what are the things about them that you DON’T like? It’s important to consider these now because once the new love fairy dust wears off, all those things you might’ve ignored in the beginning will be staring you dead in the face.

Everyone has dealbreakers – qualities or behaviors that you simply won’t tolerate in a relationship. It’s important to get clear on what yours are before you get too attached. 

Are honesty, loyalty, and kindness essential? Do you need someone who shares your values or has similar ambitions? Identifying your non-negotiables helps you avoid settling for less than you deserve.

Be disciplined enough to set your emotions and hormones aside for a moment and look at their good qualities and less-than-great qualities clearly and objectively. I’m not saying you have to judge or tear them apart. Every human has flaws, and we’re all worthy of love despite them. But you need to know if their flaws fall within the lines of your morals and desires.

If yes, then you can learn to deal with them. If not, save yourself the trouble and walk away before the fire gets too hot!

3. What are my relationship goals?

Everyone has different goals and everything doesn’t have to be serious. Some people are just looking for someone to have fun adventures and meals with. Others are looking for a lifelong partner until death does them part. Both options are fine as long as all parties are on the same page.

Are you looking for a casual fling, a serious commitment, or something in between? Do you want marriage and kids someday? Are you looking to start working toward building that life right now, or do you need a few more years of whiling out first? What kind of lifestyle do you envision sharing with a partner? 

Knowing your goals helps you choose someone who’s on the same page and interested in working towards the same goal. Be honest and upfront, and give them space to be the same with you. Don’t waste each other’s time or break each other’s hearts if you can avoid it.

4. What have I learned from past relationships?

Every relationship, even the not-so-great ones, can be a great teacher. It’s important to look at your past relationships and make note of what worked, what didn’t, what you liked about it, what you didn’t, and what YOU can improve on moving forward. You can’t change the past, but you certainly can learn from it and use it to create the future you’ve always dreamed of!

Take some time to reflect on your past experiences. What patterns do you notice? What mistakes do you want to avoid repeating? What qualities did you appreciate in past partners, and what traits were absolute dealbreakers?

Every person is different, but we all have a tendency to repeat patterns. By assessing your past carefully you can notice when you’re choosing or attracting partners with similar habits, mentalities, or stories, and then you can adjust accordingly.

5. What are my love languages?

I feel like a lot of the time when we talk about “love languages” we’re talking about the ones that come naturally to us, meaning the ways in which we SHOW love. But it’s very important for you to get clear on what makes you FEEL loved. We all need to receive love in all of the languages, but we all have one or two that are the most meaningful to us. Getting clear on this can help you grow closer and avoid unnecessary fights in the future.

For example, I might say that I want words of affirmation (which is true, I do!), but if my partner writes me beautiful loving text messages but repeatedly cancels our dates last minute, I’d feel unloved. Why? Because I’d feel like they don’t want to spend time with me, which means I really don’t mean anything to them. I’d rather they sit next to me and say those words face to face while gently rubbing my leg. So, while I love the sweet messages, in reality, my main love languages are quality time and acts of service.

So do you feel most loved through words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, or physical touch? Knowing your love language helps you communicate your needs effectively and vice versa. Your partner can’t read your mind or feel your heartbeat. You have to teach them how to love you.

6. What are my expectations for communication and conflict resolution?

I am NOT for society’s obsession with “toxic” culture. At all. Contrary to what is constantly being forced down our throats, fighting, storming off, and making up every other day is NOT healthy love. And, unless that’s what you’re into, you need to go into your next relationship with a game plan on how you want to communicate and deal with conflict.

And before I continue, let me just say that conflict will inevitably come up. I don’t think it can be avoided, even for the most “perfect” and “meant to be” couples. It’s natural for 2 people with different backgrounds and life experiences to disagree and experience tension. How you handle those tense moments will determine whether your relationship will last or end quicker than it started.

How do you communicate your needs and feelings? How do you handle disagreements and conflicts? It’s important to discuss these expectations with your partner early on to avoid misunderstandings and build a healthy communication foundation.

And if you know that *you* are the one with the short temper and nasty clapbacks, it’s time to start working on that now, fam. We’re all responsible for doing our part to keep the connection peaceful. Lead by example.

7. Am I willing to compromise and make sacrifices?

We talked about this in #1 but it’s worth mentioning again. Every relationship requires compromise and sacrifice. Even friendships and family relationships require a significant amount of give and take.

Are you willing to adjust your schedule, habits, or preferences to accommodate your partner’s needs? 

Consider what compromises you’re comfortable making and what you’re not willing to negotiate on. Then find someone who fits within those limitations NOW and let go of anyone that doesn’t.

Don’t try to convince yourself that “maybe they’ll change” or “maybe I can adjust” because MAYBE isn’t definite or guaranteed, and anything that’s a problem now is likely to become a bigger issue in the future. If you start a relationship making compromises that you aren’t comfortable with, you’re guaranteed to resent it later.

8. How do I feel about my partner’s friends and family?

Our friends and family help shape and reflect our beliefs, personalities, and behaviors. Our friends and family also have the potential to meddle in and impact the health and strength of our romantic relationships.

Consider how you feel about your partner’s friends and family. Do they support and uplift your partner, or do they bring out their negative qualities? Are they the type to help your partner lie and cheat, or do they encourage them to become the best version of themselves?

It’s important to assess whether these relationships will positively or negatively impact your connection. If it already seems toxic, don’t get a big head and assume that one day they might love you enough to cut off all the people that love them the most. Sure, it might come to that, but that’s a choice that they have to make on their own.

And more importantly, it SUCKS to be in a relationship that would drive either of you to that point!

Just try to choose someone with a healthy, inspiring, and loving support system. Don’t attach yourself to trauma and chaos if you don’t have to.

9. Am I ready to be vulnerable and authentic?

Building a strong, healthy relationship requires vulnerability and authenticity. The best relationships are the ones where you can safely bring out the ugliest parts of you and learn to embrace, heal, and improve them, together.

Are you willing to let your guard down and share your true self with your partner, even your flaws and insecurities? Do you feel like they’re a safe space for you, or do you feel like you have to put on an act to keep them?

If you both can’t be authentic, then it can never grow into real love.

10. What do I need to feel safe and supported in this relationship?

Everyone has different needs and expectations when it comes to feeling secure in a partnership. The easiest way to figure out what feeds your mental and emotional needs is by reflecting on your past experiences. What made you feel safe and loved? What left you feeling insecure or unsupported? 

Make a list of the specific actions, behaviors, and qualities that create a sense of safety and support for you. This could be anything from open communication and emotional validation to physical affection and shared values. It could mean being with someone who supports your career goals instead of feeling threatened by them, or who’s willing to work hard so you can stay at home.

By understanding your own needs, you can better communicate them to your partner and ensure that your relationship is a source of comfort and strength.

By taking the time to honestly answer these 10 questions, you’ll gain valuable self-awareness and clarity about what you truly want and need in a relationship. This will not only help you choose the right partner but also set the stage for a healthy, happy, and fulfilling connection. Remember, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself, so start there and the rest will follow.

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